I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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