Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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