there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
