OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
