I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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