ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
