I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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