why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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