all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
