This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
