I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can I color on your dick again?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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