remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
