All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
