I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
