I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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