its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
