its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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