Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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