Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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