I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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