im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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