So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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