dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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