stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
