it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
