When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dicks are not precious.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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