You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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