Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
