So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
