he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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