She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
two words...techno handjob
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize