he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize