Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize