I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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