Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize