So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
