Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
