omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
