absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
