omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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