When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
