69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize