ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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