She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
