Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
