mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
