May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
