EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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