I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
