I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Someone shit on the floor
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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