I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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