Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
