then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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