god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize