There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
