dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
