Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Still dying that you shit outside
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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