She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize