Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
