She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
