you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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