Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
