you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
