i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
