Got a toothbrush?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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