he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
