Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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