Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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