R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
