The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
