i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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