she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Let's paint friendship bongs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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