can we get nightvision for the apartment?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
