come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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