I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
