there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
