I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
